Crimes of Grindelwald

If worrying means you suffer twice, high expectations lead to double disappointments.

Honestly, I loved Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Like, with my whole heart and this movie let me down.

In Crimes of Grindelwald, my protagonist was completely lost in between the ten other characters that this movie tried to throw at you. Fbawtft had six main characters; Newt, Tina, Jacob, Queenie, Credence, and Grindelwald (in Colin Farrel’s body). Crimes of Grindelwald has all these characters, and then it throws in Dumbledore, Leta LeStrange, Thesues Scamander, and Nagini. Newt’s character takes time. He is not commanding or loud. You have to focus on him, give him time. He doesn’t speak fast, he needs time to explain himself. This movie feels like it’s rushing him. He can’t compete with the fast pace of the other characters. They drown him out, and I missed him.

Also this movie should not have been Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Grindelwald. There were no fantastic beasts. Newt captures one (1) beast the entire movie. And it was nothing compared to the erumpent mating dance from the first movie. Also, we spend no (0) time in Newt’s case. Instead, we get to see his apartment, which is like his case, but less cool. Where, exactly, did Newt learn this kind of magic and why is he the only one that can do this? I assume this is something along the lines of the “purse enlarging spell” that Hermione whips out, but how the hell is this actually possible.

Newt has an assistant too, named Bunty, who has absolutely no effect on anything whatsoever. Her most important line is, “Shouldn’t you take off your shirt?” to Newt, and that basically sums up her entire character. Like, it’s fine, but it’s frustrating when you consider that other characters seem to be slighted. Nagini’s role is so minimal it’s laughable. All she does is follow Credence around as he looks for his family.

Newt and Tina do get some brilliant scenes that made my heart happy, especially as Newt struggles not to compare Tina to a salamander. It’s everything everyone loved about Newt. The best worst part about the whole thing was that Tina read in a gossip magazine that Newt was engaged to Leta LeStrange, when it was actually his older brother that was marrying Leta. This brings up a whole different horde of questions that never really get answered. We get flashbacks to Leta and Newt’s time in Hogwarts, but instead of explaining why they had a falling out, we get to find out that Newt’s boggart is an office desk. Again, it’s cute, but it comes at the expense of the actual story. We figure out that Leta and Newt were really tight, but we never find out exactly why she ditched him for his older brother, and exactly what is going on with the three of them.

Considering that the movie is called Crimes of Grindelwald, it was severly lacking any crimes at all. All Grindelwald does in this movie is give speeches. He only kills two people, and that’s only because he wants their house? He’s in the movie a lot, but he doesn’t do anything.

And finally, the climactic battle was … confusing. This threw us all for a loop, and it had some very complicated magic that didn’t really make much sense. Like some people were dying, but some were not, and some just apparated away but some didn’t? It was extremely unclear what was going on, and it was definitely not enough to redeem the movie.

I’m personally upset about the setting as well. New York looked beautiful, and it just kept on raining in freakin’ Paris. All the colors were cool, and everything felt dark. Fbawtft had a muted color palette as well, but it was warm and soft. This movie felt like an ice bucket.

You should watch this movie if you care about the potterverse. Here’s a trick: Do you know the name of Albus Dumbledore’s sister? If you answered yes, this movie is for you. Otherwise, good luck trying to understand what the heck is going on. If you’re just here for Newt, Tina, Jacob, and Queenie, prepare for disappointment.